It’s only just begun.

Ok, this is hard. I’m sure most people around me would assume I’m a seasoned vet with my husband traveling for work but I’m not. It never gets easier and guess what? Now I have two babies under the age of two and a teenager (aka literally living out phases of life on polar sides of the growing up spectrum) and it’s hard and mentally draining. This is the start of one long freaking month of show after show for Tom to travel internationally for. So far the first big trip, well, so far I’m surviving. I’m so tired, like more appropriately described as unbelievably exhausted. I did however manage to get Bash sleeping through the night which is one victory point! Tom left on a Saturday for Ottawa then continued down to Columbia on Tuesday and was supposed to be back home the following Sunday morning allowing us to still have a day and a half day of family time given the long thanksgiving weekend. Naturally, as life would have it, he got punked by an aircraft controller strike so he couldn’t fly home when planned and as I write this, the plan is now to get home on the holiday Monday but we just don’t know yet if that will work with this whole strike throwing a wrench in things. So now the thing is, we are just waiting to hopefully have things work out and even then we only get a half day with Tom, then he will work all week and we will have next Saturday as a family then he is off again for the week to Spain.

Did I mention how tired I am?

The babies are good and Nolan is good, but I’m just so tired because I never get a break and having your husband traveling internationally is stressful. As I checked out the strike online today it comes up as a travel advisory for Columbia due to high risk of kidnapping and violent crime… On this thanksgiving weekend I am just so thankful I read this at the end of his trip and not the beginning.

Pause. Look at Bash and his new smile. It’s too much…

Un-pause — I stop and tell myself it is a season. Unfortunately it’s intense on both ends (our personal life raising big and little kids as well as work life for Tom). It will pass and we will look back on it likely proud of what we have gone through together as a family as we look from the other side. But today, it’s not easy. I have my books I’m trying to read. I’m very social throughout the week. I have wonderful people checking in on me and offering to come for wine or tea or meet me at a park or for a walk and please do! I absolutely love these gestures. My house is pretty clean all things considered. I have my wine and chocolate for emergencies…kidding, the chocolate is for always everyday (full disclosure, no shame). If you have any further tips for me on how to survive living with a travelling husband, I am extremely interested and open to most ideas, just keep in mind that I’m very tired so don’t make me work too hard!

If I could go back in time, I never would’ve agreed to giving up our Maui vacation this Christmas. To date, it’s my only regret! Still winning I think…

Happy thanksgiving friends. The jury is still out whether I’ll cook a thanksgiving meal or not. We will know by tomorrow!

Life = Cray

Ok I lied. The 3 month mark with Bash wasn’t as magical as I thought. We are well past the 4 month mark and he is still crying, no actually wailing in the car about 75% of our car rides, he is not sleeping through the night as he is reluctant to sleep training, but that baby is something else. He is my super snuggler, my mamas boy, all I have to do is look at him and he has the biggest and sweetest smiles for me, so cute I melt into mush. We will just tough it out since I’m too tired to try to fix anything at the moment.

We are back to school for Nolan and holy cow…I am a mother of a grade 10 boy. I was so emotional with the start of this year. I swear a slide show keeps playing in my mind of all of my years raising this boy. He has been such a special gift in my life and as I watch him become a man and set these crazy big goals and actually commit and write out a game plan to meet them, I honestly can’t believe I’ve raised this kid. If you don’t know, Nolan is working his buns off for a college scholarship for football. He has had the dream since he was 7, but now that he’s getting closer, he is putting in so much work to achieve this goal and it is honestly incredible to watch. I won’t go into the details but he is making me proud and I’m so excited to see where he goes. To date, he has one college looking at him already and he is only in grade 10!! FYI, I love this kid so much!

Wylder is becoming so much fun. He babbles and we have no idea what he’s saying. He likes to tell off Nolan when Nolan is bugging him and it cracks me up! He loves his baby Bash so much, he needs to start the day with a hug and after every nap, Bash gets a hug! These babies sure make my heart full and also drain every ounce of my being all in the same day. Thankfully everything is just a season but knowing that makes me sad because as crazy as life is and as tired as I am, I know I’ll miss these baby days so much when they are gone.

I’m doing ok. I’m making it through each day. I make healthy dinners almost every day except Saturdays. I don’t have time to shower often or work out and fitting in hang outs is so hard because all of us moms are on different nap schedules but I’m trying. I’ve been working at building my village which seems impossible if I’m being honest. I feel like I’m in a season of life where I need the village more than ever and everyone I know is just so busy with their lives it’s hard to truly connect and know how to meet each other’s needs or just be a friend.

My anxiety has been at an all time high lately as I’m anticipating one of Tom’s busiest work months ever. October, how I loathe thee… He is going to be gone 20 days out or 31. Ugh. Why? Don’t go… I’m not exactly sure how I’ll make it out alive in one piece. He will be going to Ottawa, straight down to Columbia on trip one, trip two is Spain, trip three is Mexico. I’m in two worlds…the baby world which is crazy and hard and sleepless and demanding until 7pm, and the teenager world which is emotionally draining, where I’m trying to be there for my oldest who holds such a special different place in my heart than the babies. Plus I know I only have 3 years with him and then he is going to be chomping at the bit to take on the world which excites me, but also scares the crap out of me. So I’m trying to set myself up for success in October. I’m going to meal plan which I’m doing already. I’m going to try to connect with friends because I need my people more than ever. I’m already exploring baby/toddler activities during the day to help the days pass. I’m going to make a list of things I want to accomplish around the house. I will also very likely drink wine. You might too if you have to juggle all of this on your own each day…

Life is crazy. I feel like I can’t even put it into words how crazy it is. My anxiety is already in high gear and I hate it so much and maybe I should take a page from Nolan’s book and make a goal to deal with it so I don’t have a melt down sans husband! It’s also really wonderful but I can’t help but crave a holiday or fantasize about having a life and fun with anyone really. This is a season and it’s not going to be pretty but if you think of me in October…send me your prayers and love and wine and chocolate and flowers…or one of the above. Please and thank you. And I love you.

Side note: My babies are cute right? Or do I have the ‘mom goggles’ on? Don’t answer that.

Life Updated 

Has it really been 5 weeks since I last posted?  Hmmm…  I guess I’ve just been super busy trying to raise these babies all while Nolan had a whirlwind of track and field provincials , flag football provincials (which they won and qualified for nationals!), said goodbye to middle school and somehow I’m only getting better each day at being a mama to three!  Every day is guaranteed to have an insane moment or two, or three or all day!  But overall, I have to say, I think I’m doing pretty good.  

The day my freezer meals ran out. WAAAAH!  I grieved.  It was a dark day of mourning, but somehow I’ve managed to make dinner amongst juggling fussy babies and driving Nolan to or from whatever he may be doing!  But guess what?  I’m doing it and it’s friggin hard but I’m doing it and I’m very proud of myself!

Bash is 8 weeks now and in somewhat of a routine.  He has not been an easy baby but in the past couple weeks I’ve managed to get him to almost sleep through the night and finally nap in his bassinet which feels like one more victory point for me.  He is growing in leaps and bounds and at this rate, he’s going to be my chubbiest baby!  And this boy is smiling and getting so cute that I can hardly handle it!  Did I mention he’s a total mama’s boy?!  Yippee!

Wylder is the best!  He is 18 months in a few short days and I think he just gets more fun every day!  He is a comedian and a little crazy and super sweet…  He is talking so much but nothing sounds right yet.  Like when he yells “GO!” when we chase him, but he actually is yelling “DIE”!!  Guys…it’s ‘GO’, not ‘DIE’…we promise!  We are all just loving this stage so much, it’s seriously so much fun!

Nolan is also the best.  I could write a novel on that boy.  He is amazing!  I’ll need a whole blog post devoted to what he’s been up to and one day I will get to that.  In the meantime, I’ll just note that these boys of mine are the bomb.  They are my whole life and I honestly wouldn’t be half of who I am without them!

Oh ya.  Toms good!

I’m a tired lady.  I struggled with depression after I had Wylder and was so scared of facing that again and maybe I still will, but so far I’m feeling as good as I can be.  Aside from real exhaustion, I feel pretty much 100% recovered from my surgery which is such a different story from the last one.   I’m getting out, seeing friends and so far this postpartum season has been so much better than anticipated.  

Here are a few pictures from our forced family photo shoot that I insisted was a good idea but ended up being incredibly awkward.  Thankfully we got a few good shots and only this first one is a little odd!

3 Weeks Postpartum and Still Standing

The first week postpartum was great.  I can’t believe how much faster I’m healing from my c-section this time. We had help lined up that first week which was so wonderful.  I’m so missing my mother doing my laundry and cooking me food and entertaining Wylder… The second week was challenging.  Day 9 arrived and I was officially on my own with two babies.  Tom is swamped at work so couldn’t exactly take time off, so I had to brave the days by myself.  It has taken a lot to build up the strength to face each day with these two babies and I know I have to get some systems in place because this is my life now.  Currently, it is a juggling act to say the least.  Bash has no schedule. Wylder is still transitioning from 2 to 1 naps a day.  I’m healing from major abdominal surgery. But I live to tell you all about it, so I get a point! 

I’m exhausted.  Every day I think I am a little more tired than the day before. Wylder is becoming slight trouble, and rightfully so given his age and the fact that he now has to share me with Bash.  He spilled my full coffee one morning as my hands were both tied up with Bash. I yelled “NOOOOOOOOOO”, as he slowly took one finger and while looking at me with his devilish grin, ever so gently tipped the cup over.  The cup fell over and coffee spilled everywhere and the boy just walked away as if nothing happened.  He didn’t even react!  We refer to him as Hurricane Wylder because every day he empties every drawer in our bathroom, the kitchen cupboards, and if given the opportunity, he loves to throw laundry all over any room!  He is taking full advantage of me being tied down feeding Bash by exploring our kitchen to the fullest and recently emptied an entire bag of BCAA’s on the kitchen floor and let me tell you, he is stealth.  I had no idea this even occurred for an hour or so after he did it!  He really is a sweetheart, but extremely busy.  I recently introduced him to Netflix and he has become more manageable for the 10 minutes he will sit and watch his shows. I’m finally ready to start going for walks and getting out of the house which I believe will be perfect for all of us and most importantly, my sanity!


I’ve been eating a healing soup recipe I found while researching for my postpartum care in the hopes that it cancels out all the non-healing foods I’ve been eating.  The chocolate…why can’t I stop eating it!  I always eat my soup out of my Multipower mug in support of Tom’s work like the good wife I am! The recipe is so delicious, I’ll need to share!


The worst part of every day, aside from the times when both babies are crying and need me at the same time, or when I’m waking up for night feeds and the baby poops so I have to change a diaper when I’m dog tired then he is super awake which means I am too until he falls back asleep, or when Wylder refuses to walk and he demands I carry him while I’m holding Bash… Sorry, got a little side tracked there. No, it’s when nap time ends because that means I’m full time mothering constantly between the two babies until I get Wylder relief which happens when the husband walks in the door after work or the rare day Nolan isn’t busy with sports.  Nolan is so helpful, he is a baby whisperer.  Seriously, he’s amazing with newborns!

During nap time, somehow by the grace of God, these two babies both have had a decently long afternoon nap for me this week only, which gives me an opportunity to nap myself or shower. Usually I can only choose one so I’ll alternate days (the secrets out, I don’t shower  everyday).  Rarely I’ve gotten both or neither depending if these dudes want to do me a favour or not and SLEEP. If someone is not sleeping, it’s probably the extra small one (the boys are officially referred to by size; Nolan is the big one, Wylder is the small one, and Bash is our extra small one). Bash is turning on us. Our sweet darling angel baby found his lungs and he’s not afraid to use them!  Wylder is a total mimicker. So anytime the baby makes noises, like a cry, Wylder thinks he needs to scream! So much screaming, not so cute!  

I unfortunately don’t have a photographer living in my house to help me take beautiful pictures, but this is me on a day that I got to shower and do my hair and make up. I even drew on some eyebrows which means it must’ve been a good day! I generally smell great until Bash spits up on me an hour later!  Never a dull moment.  


Thankfully every day is a different day. Some have been so good and easy and others have been trying. After trying so long to get pregnant with Wylder and walking the road of fertility treatments, I can honestly say that even on the craziest day or when I’m so tired, my life has never felt so full. I feel like Bastian has always been here and it just feels so right. I love this chaotic life with a baby, toddler and teenager so much. My days are so long right now, I’m always tired, and I can hardly wait until Tom walks in the door each night for sweet relief, but I’m sure I smile more in one day than I have in a long time.  I’m also feeling pretty darn proud of myself for having a c-section and managing these days on my own.  That being said, I love love love the visits from friends.  Some of which have been so amazing and helpful (and the treats are equally as amazing as you are), you have no idea what that has done for my heart right now. All in all, I’ve exceeded my own expectations and I haven’t even cried yet!  That is winning.  

Baby Bash

I can’t believe it’s been 10 days of life with our darling Bastian Henry!  This baby has been such a blessing.  He loves to snuggle, he loves his mama and totally knows who I am which feels amazing!  He’s only waking 1-2 times in the night, he started feeding immediately and eats consistently every 3-4 hours and he basically came out with his perfect routine.  I think we will keep him!  


The week leading up to my c-section was my most miserable week of pregnancy.  Not only was I incredibly uncomfortable, but I had such painful false labor 3 nights which brought me to my surgery date completely exhausted.  I had many moments thinking I’d never make it to the big day during that long week.  

On May 12, Tom escorted me to the hospital at 6am to get all checked in for the c-section. Everything was going smoothly.  Due to my placenta previa earlier in pregnancy, they had done extra prep with blood transfusions just in case and as I was sitting there, moments before going into the OR, there was a big kerfuffle in the hallway and we overheard the word ‘EMERGENCY’ come out of my OB’s mouth.  We unfortunately got bumped out of surgery and were told that we could either rebook the c-section for Tuesday…and I’m sitting there all hooked up to my IV, in my gown and Tom in his scrubs.  Or we could wait around that day on standby for a surgery time with no guarantee that it would happen.  My anxiety was all over the map, but we decided to wait it out and hope they’d be able to deliver the baby the same day.  

We went home for a bit then came back in to talk about the game plan with my OB. They managed to book us in the afternoon and as soon as we got the call, it was only a matter of minutes until we were in the OR and things were moving along.  


I couldn’t believe the difference between my emergency c-section and the planned one.  It was so much more peaceful.  Bastian came out perfectly healthy weighing 7lbs 14oz, which was such a blessing for Tom and I after our experience with Wylder’s birth.  My placenta delivered fine.  They did find a lot of scar tissue and my uterus had fused to my abdomen wall, but they did their best to remove as much scar tissue as possible.  We even had a nice stay in the hospital which I can’t say we had with Wylder.  Then to make everything better, we got discharged super early which made me one very happy mama!  


This baby boy is a dream.  He is so easy and so sweet.  He snuggles and sleeps and eats and I can’t get enough of him!  Wylder calls him his ‘baba’ and he’s starting to really like his cute baby brother and even gives him mini snuggles.  Nolan is a sucker for a newborn whether he would admit it or not, he can’t resist the little guy! 

My mom and step dad were here to help the first week and are now gone.  I can’t remember the last time I was so sad to say goodbye to my mom.  This time was different.  I’m about to have to face life with a 16 month old and a newborn while driving my teenager to and from everything.  Let’s not talk about how many work trips Tom has coming up yet this year, but I’m working on channeling my inner 18 year old self.  I was such a brave girl when I became a mom for the first time.  I wasn’t afraid of anything and I look back at who I was then and what I did and I’m so proud of that Kelsey.  I sure hope I can find the same strength in this new season of life.  This time I’m going to take care of myself in this postpartum stage. I rushed it with Wylder in many areas while I was struggling in the postpartum stage and should’ve had more boundaries which I learned the hard way and managed to become emotionally depleted very quickly.  Postpartum may just be the hardest season for me in motherhood, so I’m trying to be very mindful and remembering to be gracious to myself when I need it most. 

This is an absolutely wonderful time in my life and the most tiring.  My heart has never felt so full and I absolutely love having my three boys.  Each boy has managed to capture my heart in ways I could never express in words.  I’m so excited to watch these little ones grow and become best friends and look up to their big big brother.  All of this makes my heart want to explode!  

I’m back…

After an unintentional several month long hiatus from one of the things I love most…[blogging]…I’m back.

Life has been busy as most of you may know.  Our first year with Wylder in our lives has been crazy.  Tom has been so busy at work and travelling, which I don’t love but the mans gotta make the paper (what he tells me).  Juggling nap times around school pick ups, track & field, basketball & football games and practices has been a challenge.  Trying to keep my house clean, cook healthy(ish) meals for the family, still working part time and now, pregnant and chasing a one year old around the house.  Me?  Tired?  Uh, YEAH.

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It’s been good though.  Actually it’s been great!  Wylder has brought our family so close.  I swear we all smile and laugh more than ever with this little guy around.  And now, only 8 weeks away, we will be welcoming yet another little man into our world!  I still can’t even believe it, regardless of the rapidly increasing belly expansion and constant baby kicks, I sometimes still feel like it’s make belief.

For all the people out there assuming we planned this baby and pursued fertility treatments to get here…boy are you are wrong!  That was our intent.  We expected to go down the same hard road to have another baby as we did with Wylder and planned to start treatments this June, but God had other plans for us!

I’m still not sure what prompted me to actually do a test but one day I picked up 3 from the dollar store while Tom was out of town.  We were going to Vegas a couple weeks later for our first trip away since Wylder was born, so I guess it wouldn’t hurt to check.  I forgot about the tests, treated myself to some fine red wine.  That week, I realized I had achieved my pre-baby weight and was bragging to my girlfriend.  In retrospect, I was losing my mind.  I showed up at the wrong schools to watch Nolan’s football games a couple times, could never find my keys and I also got my days and times wrong for appointments which I’ve never done [but continue to do still, baby brain is a thing!].  Two days later I did the test.  A FREAKING POSITIVE TEST!   I couldn’t believe my eyes.  I think I stopped breathing and broke into a cold sweat as my heart started racing…and I texted Tom… “OMG!  I think I’m pregnant.  How did this even happen?!”  He didn’t believe me.  After all three positive tests and even a trip to the doctor for another positive test, he still didn’t believe me!  I didn’t believe me!  We weren’t trying and having a new baby while we already have a baby wasn’t exactly on our bucket list!  Needless to say, this baby is a giant surprise and blessing and we are all looking forward to meeting him!  That being said, I’d be lying if I said  I’m not nervous to have a baby and a 15 month old.  I’ve basically been pregnant for over 2 years…which is just how I feel so I’m really looking forward to feeling like myself again.

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Oh, you’re wondering how Nolan took the news?  Right.  We didn’t tell him straight away, but when we did, this was his response:

“WHAT WERE YOU GUYS THINKING?  YOU LIED TO ME!  YOU SAID YOU WOULDNT HAVE ANOTHER BABY RIGHT AWAY!  WHO’S GOING TO DRIVE ME EVERYWHERE?!  This is going to be so crazy for you guys…”

And flashback to me telling people I was pregnant in high school…  He took the news really well.  Ha!  It’s going to be great.  Nolan is the best big brother.  He is such a big help to me and is always willing to watch the baby or calm him down when I’m too exhausted to do it.  Him and Wylder absolutely adore each other, so I’m sure this new baby boy will capture Nolan’s heart the same way that Wylder has.

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So there you have it.  This next year will be an adventure.  I know I’ll just do it and Nolan is right, it is going to be very crazy.  So if you see me out and I look disheveled and run down, just love me and give me all your cheater tips to help me look pretty and pretend I have my crap together, because we all know how easy it will be to find time to shower…

Thanks in advance.

xo.