Baby Bash

I can’t believe it’s been 10 days of life with our darling Bastian Henry!  This baby has been such a blessing.  He loves to snuggle, he loves his mama and totally knows who I am which feels amazing!  He’s only waking 1-2 times in the night, he started feeding immediately and eats consistently every 3-4 hours and he basically came out with his perfect routine.  I think we will keep him!  


The week leading up to my c-section was my most miserable week of pregnancy.  Not only was I incredibly uncomfortable, but I had such painful false labor 3 nights which brought me to my surgery date completely exhausted.  I had many moments thinking I’d never make it to the big day during that long week.  

On May 12, Tom escorted me to the hospital at 6am to get all checked in for the c-section. Everything was going smoothly.  Due to my placenta previa earlier in pregnancy, they had done extra prep with blood transfusions just in case and as I was sitting there, moments before going into the OR, there was a big kerfuffle in the hallway and we overheard the word ‘EMERGENCY’ come out of my OB’s mouth.  We unfortunately got bumped out of surgery and were told that we could either rebook the c-section for Tuesday…and I’m sitting there all hooked up to my IV, in my gown and Tom in his scrubs.  Or we could wait around that day on standby for a surgery time with no guarantee that it would happen.  My anxiety was all over the map, but we decided to wait it out and hope they’d be able to deliver the baby the same day.  

We went home for a bit then came back in to talk about the game plan with my OB. They managed to book us in the afternoon and as soon as we got the call, it was only a matter of minutes until we were in the OR and things were moving along.  


I couldn’t believe the difference between my emergency c-section and the planned one.  It was so much more peaceful.  Bastian came out perfectly healthy weighing 7lbs 14oz, which was such a blessing for Tom and I after our experience with Wylder’s birth.  My placenta delivered fine.  They did find a lot of scar tissue and my uterus had fused to my abdomen wall, but they did their best to remove as much scar tissue as possible.  We even had a nice stay in the hospital which I can’t say we had with Wylder.  Then to make everything better, we got discharged super early which made me one very happy mama!  


This baby boy is a dream.  He is so easy and so sweet.  He snuggles and sleeps and eats and I can’t get enough of him!  Wylder calls him his ‘baba’ and he’s starting to really like his cute baby brother and even gives him mini snuggles.  Nolan is a sucker for a newborn whether he would admit it or not, he can’t resist the little guy! 

My mom and step dad were here to help the first week and are now gone.  I can’t remember the last time I was so sad to say goodbye to my mom.  This time was different.  I’m about to have to face life with a 16 month old and a newborn while driving my teenager to and from everything.  Let’s not talk about how many work trips Tom has coming up yet this year, but I’m working on channeling my inner 18 year old self.  I was such a brave girl when I became a mom for the first time.  I wasn’t afraid of anything and I look back at who I was then and what I did and I’m so proud of that Kelsey.  I sure hope I can find the same strength in this new season of life.  This time I’m going to take care of myself in this postpartum stage. I rushed it with Wylder in many areas while I was struggling in the postpartum stage and should’ve had more boundaries which I learned the hard way and managed to become emotionally depleted very quickly.  Postpartum may just be the hardest season for me in motherhood, so I’m trying to be very mindful and remembering to be gracious to myself when I need it most. 

This is an absolutely wonderful time in my life and the most tiring.  My heart has never felt so full and I absolutely love having my three boys.  Each boy has managed to capture my heart in ways I could never express in words.  I’m so excited to watch these little ones grow and become best friends and look up to their big big brother.  All of this makes my heart want to explode!  

Go Away Third Trimester

I’ve officially hit the point where I’m over being pregnant.  When we were in Maui, both Tom and I kept talking about how we were quite happy for this baby to take his sweet time and in no rush for D-Day to arrive.  Then shit hit the fan with my complete placenta previa, which brought on so many strong emotions, scary unknowns and stress I never could have imagined facing while being pregnant.  It totally changed this entire pregnancy.  Thankfully the third trimester has been a lot less stressful since the placenta moved and has continued to stay up nice and high. Unfortunately all that stress has made this feel like the world’s longest pregnancy!  I’m progressively growing larger by the day and it’s a struggle squeezing into my clothes and please don’t ask me to bend over to pick something up!  I’m plagued with fatigue, I’m so sick of doctors appointments and I’m just so ready to be on the other side!  

This little guy is ready too!  I swear he is trying to get out early.  He somehow pushes with all his might in three different directions at the same time, conveniently when I’m trying to sleep.  I’m sure he is just trying to find the emergency exit because I’m literally being stretched from the inside out!  He is hands down my most active baby in the womb, which is why Tom is convinced he’ll be a crazy baby…but I’m sure he will be perfect and sleep and eat well and rarely cry, [exactly how I imagined Wylder before he was born, and I might’ve been wrong].  But when he does cry, it’ll be so sweet and quiet, it won’t bother us one tiny bit.  

Do we have a name picked out?  The conversation that goes nowhere just like when we were trying to decide on a name for Wylder.  Why is it so hard to name a child?  It’s only with them and will define them for the rest of their lives…  We have a million girls names but basically both have only one idea each for boys names.  I think I’m going to win again.  I have Nolan’s vote!  Actually, both names are Toms suggestions so either way he wins!  Tom likes the idea of tying in a family name for sentimental value so we are still doing family research of our late grandpa’s and great grandpa’s to hopefully give more options.  Irvin?  No.  Heinz?  No offence Dad, but no.  Werner?  Again, sorry Dad.  Roy?  I loved my grandpa Roy like crazy but it just doesn’t hit me for a baby name.  Henry could work, but is it too trendy right now?  Will he be going to school with 25 Henry’s?  Daniel and William just don’t quite do it for me plus it’s funny how a name can be connected to that one annoying kid from elementary school…or your adult life!

Just over 3 weeks to go.  I’m just working on getting everything checked off of my to-do list.  Eating whatever I want while I can justify it.  Oh and milking having Tom and Nolan giving me extra help…I have approximately 5-6 weeks before this gets old.  I can say I finally feel ready to meet this boy and I surprisingly have peace about having another c-section which is a miracle in itself!  In the meantime, if you need me, I’ll just be counting down the days until I can fit into my clothes again.  

Baby Boy #3

I’m about to share something with the world that only a small percentage of people will be able to understand, let alone be able to relate to me right now.  I’ve never felt sorry for myself as I constantly seem to be faced with ‘big’ life battles because I know in the end, it has and does shape me as a person, but a break from hardship for more than a year would be so wonderful.  


This ‘surprise miracle’ pregnancy had me in shock until I was around 4 months pregnant and started to feel him kick.  At that time, I began dreaming about how special bringing home yet another beautiful baby boy will be for us.  I began loving the idea of being pregnant again.  At 22 weeks I had my routine ultrasound where we were told that baby is absolutely perfect, but I was diagnosed with complete placenta previa.  [This means that my placenta is completely covering and touching my cervix.  I am at risk for bleeding every day until I deliver, which is a major risk to my health.  The risk for baby is a premature birth which comes with several long term effects.  If I do start bleeding, I’ll be rushed to the hospital and potentially kept there until it’s safe to deliver, but if the bleeding is too severe, they would need to do an emergency c-section].  

I was told to stop exercising, lifting heavy things, and to ‘take it easy’.  No travel,   limited standing, no lifting heavy grocery bags or large loads of laundry.  The OB said that due to the risk of me bleeding too much during my c-section , she will need to do it at 36 weeks.  I felt sad and scared.  This led me to the wonderful world of Google where I learned too much.  Not only am I already high risk but my placenta is anterior, therefore sitting on my previous c-section scar.  This gives me a 25% chance of it fusing to my scar tissue.  The placenta looks for a blood source and then attaches and can grow into the scar tissue and uterus (even worse it can invade ones bladder, ovaries, bowel but this is a very extreme case).  This is called Accreta.  Now my life is actually at risk because this condition can cause severe hemorrhaging at birth, and in many cases they don’t know you have accreta until they are in there, which is now my situation.  If it’s bad enough, I’ll have a hysterectomy right then and there so I’m preparing my heart for the possibility that this will be our last baby.  

I was sent for an MRI to see if they could see accreta.  Unfortunately my results were inconclusive.  It took weeks to finally see my OB.  I had seen two doctors before but she gave me the nitty gritty details that in turn flooded me with fear due to the many many unknowns that come along with complete placenta previa.  I’m being watched closely.  Due to the risk of them discovering accreta, I’ll now be delivering at 35 weeks so I am praying baby boy is a big strong beef cake like Wylder was so we can hopefully avoid a long nicu stay if any at all. I’ll have an extra large surgical team in the room.  Very likely, I’ll require blood transfusions which will be ready and waiting.  If they can’t control the bleeding I will spend some time in ICU…even the thought of this brings me to tears.  Although, maybe this is best case scenario, to make it to my date with no bleeds and have a team fully prepped and ready to do everything they can for my life and baby’s.  My doctor said “we prepare for the worst so we can expect the best”.

I’ve only shared this with a very small group of people.  And truthfully, I’m not sure anyone can really understand the severity of the situation or know the fear I’ve had ever since I found out.  There are so many unknowns that can happen from now until even after he is born. I feel scared to walk too long in the grocery store or move too fast playing with Wylder.  The joy of my pregnancy feels like it was stolen from me and I can’t wait for this all to be behind us.  

I’ve been pretty strong with a few big cries here and there.  Although, writing this has me in a puddle of my own tears that won’t seem to stop.  I’m realizing just how blessed I’ve been to have TWO worry free pregnancies and perfectly healthy boys.  I think about how funny it is that we wanted a baby so badly, and here are given this gift and what I want more than ever is to be at the end because I feel like a ticking time bomb hoping nothing will go wrong.  

Tom happens to be in Khazakstan for work at the moment.  It’s extra scary not having him here right now because I do feel like I need him more than ever.  He’ll be going away again shortly after he gets home but thankfully my mom and step-dad are coming to help which I’m so looking forward to!  Having a travelling husband is hard when life is smooth sailing, but when it’s not, my heart misses that man 10,000 times more than usual.  

My eye is on the prize.  Baby will be here in less than 8 weeks.  I have another ultrasound in a couple weeks which will give us an idea of how big baby is and possibly if my placenta has moved.  This would be amazing news and a total miracle which would also allow us to let this baby cook a little longer but my doctor said the chances are very low!  As most of you may know, this isn’t our first big struggle.  I’m trying to stay positive and focus on the good that is in front of me and take it all one day at a time. This too shall pass and I’m dreaming of this summer…holding this baby on a hot summers day with my husband by my side as we sip on a crisp white wine and watch Nolan teach Wylder how to throw a football!

Prayer and the support of loved ones is my solace right now.  My husband is the best person I ever could have chosen as a partner to walk through life with.  All of our struggles have only shown the depth of love we have for each other. He is a huge reason I laugh when things are tough!  His love for me is strength and I’m so thankful for him and my boys, I am truly blessed.