Ok I lied. The 3 month mark with Bash wasn’t as magical as I thought. We are well past the 4 month mark and he is still crying, no actually wailing in the car about 75% of our car rides, he is not sleeping through the night as he is reluctant to sleep training, but that baby is something else. He is my super snuggler, my mamas boy, all I have to do is look at him and he has the biggest and sweetest smiles for me, so cute I melt into mush. We will just tough it out since I’m too tired to try to fix anything at the moment.
We are back to school for Nolan and holy cow…I am a mother of a grade 10 boy. I was so emotional with the start of this year. I swear a slide show keeps playing in my mind of all of my years raising this boy. He has been such a special gift in my life and as I watch him become a man and set these crazy big goals and actually commit and write out a game plan to meet them, I honestly can’t believe I’ve raised this kid. If you don’t know, Nolan is working his buns off for a college scholarship for football. He has had the dream since he was 7, but now that he’s getting closer, he is putting in so much work to achieve this goal and it is honestly incredible to watch. I won’t go into the details but he is making me proud and I’m so excited to see where he goes. To date, he has one college looking at him already and he is only in grade 10!! FYI, I love this kid so much!
Wylder is becoming so much fun. He babbles and we have no idea what he’s saying. He likes to tell off Nolan when Nolan is bugging him and it cracks me up! He loves his baby Bash so much, he needs to start the day with a hug and after every nap, Bash gets a hug! These babies sure make my heart full and also drain every ounce of my being all in the same day. Thankfully everything is just a season but knowing that makes me sad because as crazy as life is and as tired as I am, I know I’ll miss these baby days so much when they are gone.
I’m doing ok. I’m making it through each day. I make healthy dinners almost every day except Saturdays. I don’t have time to shower often or work out and fitting in hang outs is so hard because all of us moms are on different nap schedules but I’m trying. I’ve been working at building my village which seems impossible if I’m being honest. I feel like I’m in a season of life where I need the village more than ever and everyone I know is just so busy with their lives it’s hard to truly connect and know how to meet each other’s needs or just be a friend.
My anxiety has been at an all time high lately as I’m anticipating one of Tom’s busiest work months ever. October, how I loathe thee… He is going to be gone 20 days out or 31. Ugh. Why? Don’t go… I’m not exactly sure how I’ll make it out alive in one piece. He will be going to Ottawa, straight down to Columbia on trip one, trip two is Spain, trip three is Mexico. I’m in two worlds…the baby world which is crazy and hard and sleepless and demanding until 7pm, and the teenager world which is emotionally draining, where I’m trying to be there for my oldest who holds such a special different place in my heart than the babies. Plus I know I only have 3 years with him and then he is going to be chomping at the bit to take on the world which excites me, but also scares the crap out of me. So I’m trying to set myself up for success in October. I’m going to meal plan which I’m doing already. I’m going to try to connect with friends because I need my people more than ever. I’m already exploring baby/toddler activities during the day to help the days pass. I’m going to make a list of things I want to accomplish around the house. I will also very likely drink wine. You might too if you have to juggle all of this on your own each day…
Life is crazy. I feel like I can’t even put it into words how crazy it is. My anxiety is already in high gear and I hate it so much and maybe I should take a page from Nolan’s book and make a goal to deal with it so I don’t have a melt down sans husband! It’s also really wonderful but I can’t help but crave a holiday or fantasize about having a life and fun with anyone really. This is a season and it’s not going to be pretty but if you think of me in October…send me your prayers and love and wine and chocolate and flowers…or one of the above. Please and thank you. And I love you.
Side note: My babies are cute right? Or do I have the ‘mom goggles’ on? Don’t answer that.