It’s only just begun.

Ok, this is hard. I’m sure most people around me would assume I’m a seasoned vet with my husband traveling for work but I’m not. It never gets easier and guess what? Now I have two babies under the age of two and a teenager (aka literally living out phases of life on polar sides of the growing up spectrum) and it’s hard and mentally draining. This is the start of one long freaking month of show after show for Tom to travel internationally for. So far the first big trip, well, so far I’m surviving. I’m so tired, like more appropriately described as unbelievably exhausted. I did however manage to get Bash sleeping through the night which is one victory point! Tom left on a Saturday for Ottawa then continued down to Columbia on Tuesday and was supposed to be back home the following Sunday morning allowing us to still have a day and a half day of family time given the long thanksgiving weekend. Naturally, as life would have it, he got punked by an aircraft controller strike so he couldn’t fly home when planned and as I write this, the plan is now to get home on the holiday Monday but we just don’t know yet if that will work with this whole strike throwing a wrench in things. So now the thing is, we are just waiting to hopefully have things work out and even then we only get a half day with Tom, then he will work all week and we will have next Saturday as a family then he is off again for the week to Spain.

Did I mention how tired I am?

The babies are good and Nolan is good, but I’m just so tired because I never get a break and having your husband traveling internationally is stressful. As I checked out the strike online today it comes up as a travel advisory for Columbia due to high risk of kidnapping and violent crime… On this thanksgiving weekend I am just so thankful I read this at the end of his trip and not the beginning.

Pause. Look at Bash and his new smile. It’s too much…

Un-pause — I stop and tell myself it is a season. Unfortunately it’s intense on both ends (our personal life raising big and little kids as well as work life for Tom). It will pass and we will look back on it likely proud of what we have gone through together as a family as we look from the other side. But today, it’s not easy. I have my books I’m trying to read. I’m very social throughout the week. I have wonderful people checking in on me and offering to come for wine or tea or meet me at a park or for a walk and please do! I absolutely love these gestures. My house is pretty clean all things considered. I have my wine and chocolate for emergencies…kidding, the chocolate is for always everyday (full disclosure, no shame). If you have any further tips for me on how to survive living with a travelling husband, I am extremely interested and open to most ideas, just keep in mind that I’m very tired so don’t make me work too hard!

If I could go back in time, I never would’ve agreed to giving up our Maui vacation this Christmas. To date, it’s my only regret! Still winning I think…

Happy thanksgiving friends. The jury is still out whether I’ll cook a thanksgiving meal or not. We will know by tomorrow!

Zucchini Chocolate Chip Muffins [Vegan]

It’s officially begun. Our dreaded October of relentless work travel for Tom. Neither of us were looking forward to it and since its overwhelming to think about all of his upcoming trips, we decided to just take it one trip at a time. I’ve never been alone this long with the two babies. We are officially half way through his first trip and I was doing good until today. The babies have been great until today. Lots of crying. Apparently neither wants to give me the precious hour of silence I can generally bank on during their afternoon nap as they both protest from their cribs and for some reason I’m finding myself fighting back the tears today. I need to shower, I’d be smart to chop some veggies in any spare time I can find, I could do laundry, organize my closet or maybe organize my life, but I’m tired and just sitting here hoping there’s babies doze off eventually in their cribs so I can have a breather and think about having that shower or just fantasize about not being tired!

My goal was to stay as positive as possible while I’m on my own. I’ve filled my days with activities and friends and it’s been great. Time is moving along but it’s just tiring being on all day long. By the time I get everyone to bed, I’m pretty done myself and don’t get to take advantage of my free time as much as I wish I did. These babies are so unpredictable. Things can be going so amazingly smooth, then in the early evening for example, out of nowhere I have two baby boys both wanting to be held as they cry on and off for an hour while I’m in the middle of trying to make dinner, then Wylder doesn’t feel like eating what I made and he throws rice all over the floor while I’m trying to feed myself and Bash is crying in my arms so I try to breastfeed him and ignore the rice thrown all over my dining room all while I’m trying to feed myself with my left hand. So I give Wylder an apple sauce pouch so he doesn’t go to bed hungry, clean him up and set him up with a show, meanwhile Bash is inconsolable because he’s now overtired and needs to go to bed. Not every evening is this much fun, but it’s the nights like this that leaves me wondering how I’m going to still be standing after a long month of Tom being away. It’s not easy, so I’ll just continue to take it one day at a time and pray for extra energy, sleep and happy kids. Oh and I have wine in case of emergencies!

Regardless of the insanity, I’ve had some rare shining moments of being a wonderful mother and housewife. I cook a healthy dinner every night. I’ve managed to keep my house relatively clean, with the exception of laundry folding (reminder: start folding the laundry)! I somehow get to where I need to be on time and I haven’t forgotten one appointment since I had Bash. I’ve also been trying to bake more good snacks for Wylder so I don’t feel guilty feeding him so many store bought snacks.

These mini muffins are a new favourite around here. When I’m overly ambitious I will make a mass batch and freeze them, otherwise I just do a single batch and if Tom and Nolan are home, they last only a few days so sometimes I hide them to help them go further! I highly recommend these for lunches, snacks, breakfast, or dessert… Enjoy!

Zucchini Chocolate Chip Muffins [Vegan]

Ingredients:

  • 1 1/2 cups spelt or all-purpose or Bob’s gf flour
  • 1/2 tsp baking soda
  • 3/4 tsp salt
  • 1/2 tsp cinnamon
  • 1/3 cup coconut sugar
  • 1/2 cup enjoy life mini chocolate chips
  • 1/2 cup applesauce (120g)
  • 1/3 cup coconut or avocado oil
  • 1 tsp white or apple cider vinegar
  • 1 1/2 tsp pure vanilla extract
  • 1 cup grated zucchini

Directions:

Preheat oven to 350F and grease a mini muffin tin. Combine all dry ingredients in a mixing bowl, then set aside. In a large measuring cup, combine all liquid ingredients (including zucchini). Mix wet into dry, and immediately portion into the muffin tin and place in the oven. Bake 13-15 minutes, then allow the muffins to cool before removing from the tray.

I’m Surviving!

I’ve finally surrendered to the chaos that is my life.  I mean, I spend my days with a toddler and an infant.  I’m tired 1000% of the time.  Some days are good and some are long and I feel like I’m being drained of all the life inside of me.  But then bedtime arrives and I feel super proud that I did it, I survived another day.  I wish I could say I was exaggerating how tough it’s been these past three months but if anything I’ve been downplaying the struggle of my life these days.  I know I look like I’m rocking it [and in some ways I am],  but I’m trying harder than ever to have be a good mom to the babies and a good mom to a teenager,  which is a heck of a lot different than dealing with babies.  I want to be a good/nice wife, and also still have friends.  I’m trying to figure out how to find the time to exercise.  Work is always knocking at my door which is another struggle because there are only so many hours in a day and most of those hours, somebody needs me or pardon me, I’m exhausted.  There is so much on my plate and I haven’t even talked about how busy Tom has been with work or touched on Nolan’s very full schedule.  Life is crazy right now, but we are somehow making it work.  


Bastian is just over 3 months!  I’m so happy to be here.  The newborn stage was freaking hard!  I can honestly say that I don’t miss it. It’s hard and messy and I cried so many times while we were in it.  It’s not like it’s significantly easier or better now but every week Bash gets a little more settled and cool and we find our groove a little more.  He cries less in the car, he sleeps better at night, making dinner isn’t a total gong show.  I’m slowly [incredibly slowly] getting things done.  I’m more brave and less afraid of him losing his mind when I go places. But the struggle is still there…mainly, I never have enough hours in a day.  


Tom started traveling again for work.  I was lucky he stuck around as long as he did since we’ve had Bastian. Unfortunately the fall is quite booked up for him with travel but I’m going to find a way to make it work [aka: avoid insanity].  Sometimes I try to take myself back to when I was a single mom.  I raised Nolan on my own, no child support or shared evenings or weekends for 9 years before Tom and I got married.  I was self employed and working 6 days a week, doing all the driving to and from sports. I owned a house and did all the housework and yard work.  Guess what?  I even had an amazing social life!  I am now married, work very very little, but somehow juggling these two babies and a teenager is soooo much more work than I ever remember when I was on my own.  Or maybe I’m just old now!  Ha!  Yup.  That’s got to be it!


Amongst all of the chaos, sleeplessness, and the days where I feel like I’m completely lost…there is so much light.  I will never ever forget the 4 years of infertility prior to having Wylder, longing for what I now have.  I can never forget all of the tears I cried for these babies and even though it’s easy to take the gifts in my life for granted when everyone is crying at the same time or not sleeping or demanding to be held 24/7, I wouldn’t change a thing.  Ok…maybe less crying, but every one of my boys came into my life as a blessing in their own way and they’ve all managed to fill my heart more than I ever thought possible.  Tom and I are so lucky to have these perfect boys around us. And now that Tom’s back to travelling, I love knowing that we have giant Nolan to protect us (‘watch your backs you raccoons and marmots!!’ – we have both likely living in our backyard…so help me). 

Ok I’d also change just having Tom not travel ever and maybe I could have a nanny and a maybe a Ferrari?  Or like just a break every now and then.  I’d also like to have time to blow dry my hair after I wash it and potentially wash it more than I do (it’s not necessary to disclose how many times I do or do not wash my hair). It’d be cool to have time to work out. Or even sleep a whole night…we are so close yet so far…  

Life is completely chaotic in every way.  I’m holding it together like a boss, at least I think I am anyway.  I cry on occasion and I’m not ashamed to admit it.  But it’s good.  We are creating memories and for example, as much as I know I might regret going to Nolan’s football games this fall with two babies all alone, I’m going to do it because it might be ok and I love watching Nolan do what he loves and no two babies are going to take that from me (unless they are both out of control crying or Wylder is trying to run onto the football field…both very probable scenarios).  I’ll just obviously take a quick picture to post on my Instagram pretending it was a total success regardless of the fail…  But honestly, life is good.  We are living the dream and surviving this crazy season one day at a time!

OMG. 3 Sleeps till Babe #3

I just tried having a bath with my shirt on only I didn’t realize it was on until I was submerged.   I gotta get this kid out of me!  

Naturally, like any woman close to giving birth, I took on a DIY project for my little boys.  I couldn’t resist when I can across these adorable crib houses and since I’m planning to keep Wylder in a crib for a while yet, I obviously needed to make two!  The project took waaay longer than necessary because I can only work on it during naps.  Some days Wylder was gracious enough to give me 2 hours, others I was lucky to have one.  Here’s my adorable finished project.  The boys have matching cribs so these will eventually be side by side in their room once we move this new guy out of our room!  I’m waiting for my call to be featured in Architectural Digest…

3 days now until I’m going under knife and I’m starting to freak out a little bit.  I lie.  I started freaking out a week ago and my amazingly patient husband talks me off a ledge every night before we go to bed!  I’m already an anxious person and this past week it occurred to me that if I had the option for a natural delivery, I don’t like that either.  Basically I’m not interested in any of my options to get this baby out, but soon enough it’ll be here and gone and we will get to meet this young gentleman that can’t seem to stop beating me up from the inside.  Seriously, this boy might be a wild one or one day join the circus.  I swear he’s performing Cirque de Soléi several times a day and it’s not so cute at this stage in the game!

This pregnancy has been so hard on me.  Such a roller coaster ride.  It’s crazy to think that had the complete placenta previa never resolved, our baby boy would’ve been here 3 weeks ago already and who knows how everything would’ve turned out regarding my health and recovery or how much time he may have needed in the NICU.  There were so many points where all I wanted to do was fast forward to the end and have it all behind me after leaving so many doctor appointments in tears.  I’m incredibly grateful I’ve had these last 8 weeks to enjoy the last moments of carrying a child.  Not feeling worried that each kick might make me bleed and we’d have to run to the hospital and I’d either have a very premature baby or be kept there on bed rest.  I’ve gotten to enjoy my last moments with Wylder being my baby and been able to hold him, rock him when he wakes in the middle of the night, take him to the park and meet friends for coffee and walks!  It’s been refreshing feeling like I was living life again.  

So here we are…on the final countdown.  Lots of false labor already and I’m open to the idea of having an emergency c-section earlier this week to get it out of the way!  Why not!  Can you believe I couldn’t charm the anesthesiologist into giving me ‘calming aides’ prior to my surgery?  So now I just have to be brave!  I’m ready to bid farewell to the shooting nerve pain this babe sends shooting down my legs, back and ‘unmentionables’ several times a day.  Plus, I’m so ready for another little man to come into my life and for the craziness to ensue!  I’m also prepared to bawl my eyes out the moment Wylder and Nolan meet their new baby bro.  Until then, I’ll continue to make my husband crazy so please pray for him.  

Go Away Third Trimester

I’ve officially hit the point where I’m over being pregnant.  When we were in Maui, both Tom and I kept talking about how we were quite happy for this baby to take his sweet time and in no rush for D-Day to arrive.  Then shit hit the fan with my complete placenta previa, which brought on so many strong emotions, scary unknowns and stress I never could have imagined facing while being pregnant.  It totally changed this entire pregnancy.  Thankfully the third trimester has been a lot less stressful since the placenta moved and has continued to stay up nice and high. Unfortunately all that stress has made this feel like the world’s longest pregnancy!  I’m progressively growing larger by the day and it’s a struggle squeezing into my clothes and please don’t ask me to bend over to pick something up!  I’m plagued with fatigue, I’m so sick of doctors appointments and I’m just so ready to be on the other side!  

This little guy is ready too!  I swear he is trying to get out early.  He somehow pushes with all his might in three different directions at the same time, conveniently when I’m trying to sleep.  I’m sure he is just trying to find the emergency exit because I’m literally being stretched from the inside out!  He is hands down my most active baby in the womb, which is why Tom is convinced he’ll be a crazy baby…but I’m sure he will be perfect and sleep and eat well and rarely cry, [exactly how I imagined Wylder before he was born, and I might’ve been wrong].  But when he does cry, it’ll be so sweet and quiet, it won’t bother us one tiny bit.  

Do we have a name picked out?  The conversation that goes nowhere just like when we were trying to decide on a name for Wylder.  Why is it so hard to name a child?  It’s only with them and will define them for the rest of their lives…  We have a million girls names but basically both have only one idea each for boys names.  I think I’m going to win again.  I have Nolan’s vote!  Actually, both names are Toms suggestions so either way he wins!  Tom likes the idea of tying in a family name for sentimental value so we are still doing family research of our late grandpa’s and great grandpa’s to hopefully give more options.  Irvin?  No.  Heinz?  No offence Dad, but no.  Werner?  Again, sorry Dad.  Roy?  I loved my grandpa Roy like crazy but it just doesn’t hit me for a baby name.  Henry could work, but is it too trendy right now?  Will he be going to school with 25 Henry’s?  Daniel and William just don’t quite do it for me plus it’s funny how a name can be connected to that one annoying kid from elementary school…or your adult life!

Just over 3 weeks to go.  I’m just working on getting everything checked off of my to-do list.  Eating whatever I want while I can justify it.  Oh and milking having Tom and Nolan giving me extra help…I have approximately 5-6 weeks before this gets old.  I can say I finally feel ready to meet this boy and I surprisingly have peace about having another c-section which is a miracle in itself!  In the meantime, if you need me, I’ll just be counting down the days until I can fit into my clothes again.  

Granola Bars

I’ve been trying to bake and stock pile snacks and treats for when I have this baby, but do you have any idea how hard this is when you reside with the worlds hungriest teenage boy?   

A little note on Nolan…  As most may already know, he is a great kid, he makes us extremely proud parents regularly in school, sports and now watching how great he is with Wylder.  Nolan made the cut for a select BC football team and will be playing the big game at the end of May in Lethbridge.   Since we got home from Maui in January, he has been waking up at 5am almost every morning to train because he has decided he wants a football scholarship more than ever and he is still going strong!   Not to mention, he is also getting strong…the boy gained 20lbs of muscle in two months!  I suppose that will happen when you train 2-3 times a day.  He also competed in the Crossfit Open and placed 5th in Western Canada which is really good for a guy who basically did most of the moves for a first time when he did the weekly workouts.  Do you maybe get why I can’t keep food in the house uneaten?  It’s a brutal cycle being almost 9 months pregnant and so tired my legs feel like they weigh 100lbs and each after standing for too long in the kitchen.  A dirty little secret, sometimes I think about hiding food just so it doesn’t keep disappearing…this might be a brilliant plan!

I’ve been going back in my archives and making goodies I used to make but had stopped baking because we had been trying so hard to eat Paleo.  However, since I am trying to fill a bottomless pit (aka Nolan’s stomach), I’ve resorted to anything really to just feed the beast and keep the peace!

These granola bars are delicious!  In the average home, they’ll last more than two days unlike in mine…  Hope you enjoy!


Granola Bars

  • 1 cup peanut butter
  • 1/3 cup butter, softened 
  • 1/2 cup maple syrup
  • 1/2 cup coconut sugar
  • 1 egg 
  • 1 tsp vanilla
  • 1/2 cup raisins
  • 1/3 cup wheat germ
  • 3 cups rolled oats
  • 1 cup chocolate chips (I use Enjoy Life chips)
  • 1/2 cup sunflower seeds
  • 1/3 cup unsweetened coconut

Preheat oven to 350. Cream first 6 ingredients, add rest. Press into greased 9 x 13 pan. Bake for 20-25 minutes then cool and enjoy!

Banana Chocolate Pancakes 

Wylder is an exceptional eater.  He eats pretty much anything we serve him.  Not only that but he eats an adult portion often which has stumped me because I don’t know where he puts it and I never seem to make enough food to feed my hungry boys lately!

Wylder’s absolute favourite would be pancake day!  This takes place on average one to two times a week around here.  Sometimes it takes the place of lunch or dinner.  This baby just increased his pancake intake from 3 full pancakes to 4!  Nolan will ask if he can have any leftovers…it used to be the other way around.  


This happens to be our current favourite recipe!  It is totally kid friendly and easy to make, plus it’s an excellent source of protein, gluten free (& sugar free also if you omit the syrup, but coming from a pregnant gal, that just seems silly)!


Chocolate Banana Pancakes 

Ingredients:

  • 1 ripe banana, plus more to serve
  • 2 large eggs
  • 2 tbsp unsweetened cocoa powder
  • 2 tbsp nut butter (optional)
  • ½ tsp baking powder, aluminum-free
  • maple syrup, to serve

Directions:

Combine all of the ingredients in a mixing bowl. Whisk until there are minimal banana chunks. 

Spray skillet with oil and heat over medium heat. 

Once skillet is hot, pour in 2 tbsp of batter. Cool until bubbles appear on surface, then flip and cook other side. 

Serve with slices bananas and maple syrup.  

Enjoy!